


Fuck & Fight (not particular in that order)

by a_different_equation



Series: you give love a bad name [2]
Category: Sherlock Holmes (Downey films)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Porn, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Emotional Roller Coaster, Erotic Poetry, Explicit Sexual Content, Fist Fights, Heavy Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining Sherlock, Porn With Plot, Sherlock is a Mess, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 06:46:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,176
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14183217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_different_equation/pseuds/a_different_equation
Summary: Sherlock Holmes faces yet another fight with his bare hands to experience the pain that makes him forget. Forget the roommate who, by now married, is no longer part of his life. The only thing he wants now is pain, and he will have what he wants but in an unexpected way.





	Fuck & Fight (not particular in that order)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kelian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelian/gifts).
  * A translation of [Dolore](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13669074) by [Kelian](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelian/pseuds/Kelian). 



> Hello,
> 
> this work is a translation of the amazing OS by Kelian. They kindly allowed me to translate it from Italian to English. As we are both non-English natives, we/I tried our best but there are probably some typos/grammar mishaps. Fair warning: This fic is gorgeous and beautiful written but it's not a walk in the park! This an ANGSTfest. It's basically erotic poetry with ANGST and a healthy dose of h/c. Oh, and Holmes & Watson are a mess. However, I hope that you're going to fall in love with the text as I did when I first discovered it!
> 
> All the best,  
> ade

Ever more profound, real and insatiable. My body, my heart yearned over everything. That darkening pain that would have erased everything but itself and that finally would have given me the relief I sought so much, the relief of not having to think about anything but that sweet pulsation that invaded my body.

 

 

**_…ache…_ **

 

 

A word that brought with it a thousand sweet promises. Forgetfulness in which to allow oneself to be compliant. Open my arms, I close my eyes and surrender, fall back into the welcoming and loving embrace that would take care of my tired mind.

 

For this, I practiced boxing with my bare hands. The struggle brought injuries and with them suffering, but a sweet suffering like honey. With every injury, a smile of liberation could not help but ruffle my lips and my mind, which was always in turmoil, was for once pleasantly empty. Maybe I was crazy. Yes. Crazy with love and desire. An almost animal desire to own it, to make it my own and to leave it to no one else. I belonged to him, from our first meeting, even if I pretended not to know.

 

The drugs were only palliative just like alcohol and the strange substances that I drank and took by inhalation, intravenous or by mouth. All this was a bland panacea to get rid of his face, his body and his smell.

 

 

_One shot._

_Two._

_Dodge._

_Lower your head, scare your shoulders, and then start anew._

_Hit._

_Focus._

_Do not give way to your opponent to attack._

_Missed shot._

_Knuckles against the jaw._

_Ache._

 

 

A long sigh while a flash of pain, which started from the jaw, set my head on fire. Then, my mouth was filled with blood in a mixture of sweet and metallic.

Oh, the feeling of being alive.

All to forget it; forget him and his face.

I had spent hours watching him, absorbed, making sure he did not notice. He had never even noticed it when we were living together, and it was all right because I did not want to see his disgust; that was not my intention.

 

 

_Focus._

_Balance on the legs._

_Fist in the belly._

_Keep your guard._

 

 

I had let him go. I had let him marry Mary. After a couple of cases, I had not asked for help anymore. The doctor would come back to see me, of course, perhaps not as often as before, but he would return, sometimes at Mrs. Hudson's request, others for personal pleasure. He presented himself in front of me as if nothing had happened and I, like a good friend, pretended. I had become really good at pretending, and why not? I had always been useful in his line of work as a consulting detective.

 

_Deep breath._

_Keep calm._

_Fast assessment of the situation._

_Ball your hands._

_Upright._

 

 

The skin that tore at my knuckles. Sublime ecstasy of suffering and pleasure while the body quivered in combat. I did not intend to stop, not yet, the wounds were not yet enough and my mind still teeming with images that I wanted to erase even if only for a short time.

 

I watched his opponent fall to the ground unconscious.

 

A grunt of dissatisfaction came out of my lips as I staggered back a few steps and tried to open my contracted fingers. I had won, as always, and I did not like it.

Everything had been too fast.

Strangely, I had a wrong strategy this time, but that was a sign of how his thoughts were on the opposite side at the time. I tried to steady my breath as I continued to look at the man at his feet and not to look in the audience; sure, I would see his face even though he was home with his wife.

 

 

_A face in the crowd._

_An illusion._

_Death of heart._

_Psychological pain._

_Only one name in his mind._

**_Watson_ ** _._

 

* * *

 

I shook his head with a wave of annoyance and set off firmly to the counter to get my winnings and a bottle of any alcohol sold that evening. I was cleaning his mouth with blood on the back of my hand and immediately a cut on his lower lip burned, but I did not care too much.

I was not looking at anyone. I paid no attention to anyone because, at that moment, no one was worthy. I just wanted to be alone.

I took a long sip after taking his winnings. Not that I cared much but it was another way to pay the rent on my own because tough Mrs Hudson insisted on finding another roommate, I knew that I would not be able to share that house again with anyone else.

Alone, I went to 221B Baker Street. To the house that used to be our home. I climbed into the upstairs room and closed the door behind me, adding a turn of the key so as not to be disturbed in any way.

 

 

_Silence._

_Peace._

_Tranquillity._

_Love._

_Death in the heart._

_Ache._

 

* * *

 

I sat cross-legged in the middle of the floor and closed his eyes looking for inner peace with long and deep sighs. I could feel the last drops of sweat running down his back and chest, still naked, but I did not care. My breaths were regular while I sank more and more into my psyche, trying to ward off thoughts and troublesome memories that kept tormenting my mind – from the morning when I woke up until night when I fell asleep, and often not even my dreams were completely empty.

Memories of a short, but intense cohabitation.

 

 

_A kiss._

_A caress._

_A moan._

 

 

Like the one and only time, we had made love.

Watson, too drunk to figure out what was going on; and I, Holmes, too frustrated to give up.

Luckily, we had been in the doctor's room and I had managed to clean up everything afterwards and leave without waking him up.

... Luckily, the other had not remembered anything, when he woke up and had not commented on my step a bit 'shaky.

 

Once upon a time, it was enough to chain myself to his soul forever without leaving him alone. One night the man I loved did not even remember.

The only man I loved in the world in reality.

I was not attracted to anyone in general but my John was the exception.

John Watson was not a simple interest for me, but a real obsession.

 

 

_The click of the door._

_Spare key._

_A creak._

_Steps._

_An unmistakable scent._

_John._

 

 

If Watson arrived so early, perhaps then seeing him in the crowd had not been an illusion.

 

* * *

 

"Good God, Holmes! Look how you won against that man!" Watson said, while looking at my broad back. I felt a strange and unexpected lump in my stomach. Since Watson had taken that colossal drunk and finding himself the next morning to bed naked, which he never did, it often happened.

"Did you come to get your winnings?" I asked keeping my eyes closed. Ignoring the strong call that the other had on him. It would be wrong, our friendship would be ruined.

"I'm sorry but I did not bet on you this time."

Liar.

Watson had done it every time and Watson knew it. The only person who could say he knew Holmes deeply because John Watson was the only one with whom he, Sherlock Holmes, had opened up, though never completely. To do it meant also to confess to him my dirty and secret desire towards him.

I heard Watson snort and approach to stop in front of me.

"Your jaw is swelling," Watson said as if I did not feel it. I smiled and the wound to my lip opened again, giving me a slight spark of pain that I welcomed with joy. "At least let me take care of that lip."

"Leave it alone, I'm fine" but I knew immediately that Watson would not listen to me.

I slowly opened my eyes and found him kneeling in front of me while Watson rummaged in his bag. It would have been so easy to approach and break the distance between us for a kiss. Pressing my lips against those of the other while the pressure made my mouth ache. I wanted everything so intensely that my muscles began to tremble in an effort to stay still.

I shuddered, half-closing his eyes and inspecting air in my teeth as the doctor began to dab the cut with a piece of gauze soaked in alcohol but I did not move and let me be cured. I clenched his fists hard, so as to penetrate the short nails in the palms of the hands.

"Relax, I'm sure your opponent has endured worse ills," said Watson, continuing to carefully tender my wounds, watching the blood stop little by little before moving on to other injuries and finally to the injured jaw.

Watson had realized that I had started fighting more frequently since he had left their apartment. The muscles had swollen, the abdominals defined and obviously, bruises and excoriations had increased. It was not strange that Watson knew how every inch of my body was made, after all, the time that did not help him in the investigation or experiment used it to mend it and the nudity of that body had always found it a natural thing.

"You have to stop; I cannot always be here to put you back together."

"I never asked it of you," I said calmly, focusing only on Watson.

 

* * *

 

_Think of pain._

_Free your mind._

_Hold your body._

 

 

"And then I have to find a way to pay the rent."

"You could accept more cases, or find another roommate."

"The cases are so boring lately," I said, pushing his hand away with a quick gesture, shuddering at the contact. "And you said it yourself that nobody would be willing to put up with my quirks."

"I succeeded."

"You are a special case, my dear doctor." I stood up with a quick and fluid movement and gave him his back because it was difficult to watch. "It is no coincidence that you can bear Mary. I guess she is a good cook. “

"Mary is a great cook," Watson said, angrily walking away from me.

"Oh, do you know how I notice it? You put on some weight lately," I said casually, starting to walk back and forth across the room, barefoot, restless. “If you had stayed in our house you would not have had these problems."

"Your house," the doctor pointed out.

"Excuse me?" I stopped suddenly.

"The house is now only yours."

I looked at Watson clearly wounded and disoriented but almost immediately started to move.

"Mine was just a grammatical figure"

I clenched my fists tightly, keeping my head down trying to release the tension.

 

 

_Reflect._

_Listen._

_Hold on._

_Do not yield now._

_Do not betray yourself._

 

 

"In any case, if you only came for the winnings, the money is on the table," I finally said, no longer tolerating that stupid little theatre. After that last affirmation of Watson, I did not want to see him or listen to him. I had always kept his emotions at bay and was not prepared for what Watson made me feel. "If I need for you, I'll send for you."

"Do you feel good?"

Shit. He noticed it.

I had realized that with Watson, I sometimes could not keep my cold mask of indifference intact.

"Magnificently," I tried to make one of my splendid smiles that I always did to disguise what I really felt, but this time it did not seem to work and I tried to run for cover, "I'm just tired from the fight. Do not worry."

"If you say so," the good doctor said with a snort, closing his bag and standing up to get away. However, Watson was still worried because he knew that it was difficult for me to get tired after a fight and the last one had not been too intense. Apparently, Watson had watched me move in the arena.

"You should rest," Watson said, moving a few hesitant steps toward the door.

"I will do it."

"I'm serious."

"Me too, never been more."

The doctor still stood for a moment to look at him. I was too excited and nervous; Watson could detect that something was amiss. He knew me too well. With him, I could not hide, no matter how hard I tried.

"In short, Holmes! Can you tell me what is wrong with you?" Watson finally asked in exasperation because some things remained obscure to him.

 

 

_Breathe deeply._

_Take it easy._

_Minds._

_Uncertainty moves away from him._

 

 

"Maybe I just want a kiss from you before you leave," I said suddenly, trying for something between joking and mocking, as if it was nothing to see the other stiffen at those words.

"How can you please cut it, Holmes?"

"Calm down, doctor," I said ironically with a half-smile, knowing what his bourgeois reaction would have been like. "It was a too good opportunity that I could not resist."

My good doctor stood motionless, watching me, cautious and thoughtful, as if seeing me for the first time.

"If I gave you that kiss ... would it calm you down?" He asked suddenly, slow, without looking me in the eyes, while a light flush made his cheeks pink.

 

 

**_... Possible?_ **

 

* * *

 

"I repeat, that I was mocking you, old boy. Now, please, leave me alone and go back from to Mary.”

The voice that reached me a short while later started me by catching me off guard.

"It did not sound like one of your usual jokes, Holmes."

"Then it was one of the more unusual," I snap. When I turned around, I found him closer to me than I thought. I watched him move a few hesitant steps and then stop again.

"To ask a man to kiss him is not a good joke, neither usual nor unusual."

I saw him raise his head, in his eyes there was a light that I could not fully identify.

"You are right; of course, old man, and I regret it. Now go back home. I am fine. “

"Because someone could take you seriously," said Watson as if I had not said a word. It petrified me when I found him closer still, too close...

 

... Then there was a moment...

 

 

_Lips on lips._

_Soft._

_Rough._

_Madness._

A kiss.

 

That kiss on which I had fantasized so much and that I had desired so much.

 

* * *

 

I opened his eyes, took his head in my hands, and began to devour his hungry lips, ignoring the annoying pinch of his moustache. I pushed him to the wall without ever detaching myself from him, while my long-suppressed instincts and desires took over. A small puff of breath came into my mouth when he had his back bumped against the wall before pressing myself against him.

 

I slowly detached himself from the doctor, placing my forehead against his. Eyes closed. His thumbs slowly stroked my cheeks while I still held his head. The breathless breath that tried to get back to regular.

 

"It's wrong," I said without much conviction.

"Damn wrong,” he replied in the same way.

"We should stop before it's too late or we'll end like last time."

"Like the other time?" Watson asked. My eyes widening in horror, I saw him pushing away from me enough to face me.

Damn, I had let it slip away.

"Nothing, forget it, it's not important," said I, moving away from my companion. I tried desperately to give myself a certain demeanour, but Watson who grabbed me by the arm and turned towards me immediately blocked me.

"Explain, what do you mean with the other time?" His eyes were stinging and demanded answers.

I sigh.

 

 

_Collect courage._

_Memories that crop up._

_Love._

 

 

"That morning, when you woke up naked in your bed. We had been ... at night,” I looked at him sideways and I saw him widen his eyes in disbelief and surprise.

"You and I…?"

"A little," I confirmed, averting his eyes.

"A little, Holmes!” Watson cursed; he thundered. “Do you know what that means? Why did not you tell me?"

"You were drunk and then you were getting married."

"That's why you had to tell me!"

The doctor ran his hands through his short blond hair. Now he had started to walk restlessly around the room. He stopped suddenly and pointed at me.

"You are a selfish bastard who thinks only of himself! If I had known, I would have avoided ...“

"I did it for you," I said calmly without letting him finish the sentence, looking back at him. "For your reputation. Marrying Mary was the best thing to do instead of getting into an illegal relationship that would not lead to any future. “

 

**Watson knew it was true and the words died in his mouth. For the first time, he realized that Holmes had done something exclusively for him and not for personal gain.**

 

"But now…"

"Now we will behave as always," said I much more relieved now that I had taken such a burden from the heart. For the first time in a long time, that much-desired pain was no longer a priority. "You need your marriage, my friend, but if you want, this room could be our free port.” I tried out a smile, looking at him expectantly, hoping."What do you think?"

 

 

It was a challenge to watch him weighing the proposal. I know as tempting the dark side is it was not without doubts, but I could see that his irises were dilated and a slight blush began to colour his cheeks. Oh, I knew from our first meeting that there was more than caught the eye to my loyal companion.

"This room…"

"It has a bed," I simply said, pointing at him with a wave of my hand as if that object were a fundamental element in support of my proposal. Maybe it was, but only for the doctor, I, for sure, could imagine other places too. I was bold, let my voice drop lower, and continued: "And for me it may not even be there..."

"You have no modesty."

"I know you love me for that too," I said (only half) jokingly.

 

 

_One-step only._

_A hand on his wrist._

_A quick kiss full of promises._

_Drag it to the bed._

 

* * *

 

"Do not be afraid, doctor, as I said, we already did it," I smiled mischievously.

 

I pushed him gently onto the bed and went over to give him another kiss and immediately felt the warm hands of the man on my skin making me shudder. I could not restrain a pleased laugh before opening the first buttons of his white shirt so that I could finally kiss his neck with the tender skin he had longed for.

My fingers moved swiftly over the rest of the buttons eager to touch his flat, smooth stomach to rise up next to his chest and feel his heart beating in his chest.

While I peppered his skin with kisses, he explored my body, feeling the muscles firm and trained under the fingers, feeling intense chills of pleasure at that simple contact.

I closed his eyes. I inhaled his scent that made my head spin.

It was all so beautiful, like a secret dream that you do not know you have and that is taking place under your eyes and then you see all the desire and passion that it contains living it fully.

He stiffened for a second, as he felt something hard against his thigh; I squeezed his fingers, and tried to press down. The moans I felt against the overheating skin were priceless. I could not help sighing as I too began to get an erection.

 

"Watson ..."

 

He heard his name sigh and offered his chest feeling more and more down, the body quivered. The desire went up quickly and slowly the sensations of that forgotten night came back to life. Almost frantically, he stretched out his hands to open Holmes's trousers and put his hand inside to touch the taut, hot sex that only waited for him.

Sighs soon became heard.

 

 

_Do not collapse._

_Push the pelvis._

_Abandon yourself to him._

_Lose the pants._

_From pleasure._

_Kiss._

 

 

The groans of both mingled in the small room while the screams and incitements for the fighting on the ground floor covered their sounds to the patrons below. It was more than good even though at that moment it did not matter. There was nothing but them. The world had remained outside that door.

The clothes of both soon reached the floor, leaving them naked to the eyes of both of them.

I, unlike the more modest doctor, had no embarrassment.

The show beneath me inebriated me and made my head spin.

 

"As a good doctor, suck," I said in a slightly hoarse and amused voice, placing two fingers on his lips that were immediately let in. He looked greedy at the red face that avoided crossing his gaze as his lips went up and down and his tongue played with his wet fingers.

 

I had wanted nothing more than this, and now, he was finally there in my arms, moaning and panting for me, this time lucid and aware, able to remember everything ... able to remember me.

I wanted more; I wanted all he has to offer and more.

I felt my erection pulsate more and more to those thoughts.

As soon as I felt satisfied, I removed my fingers from his mouth and led them to my own opening, penetrating slowly beneath the astonished gaze of the other, who remained petrified in observing the beauty of his companion.

My body arched and contracted, my face flushed, my eyes closed and my lips parted open to the little moans that I could not help but emit while my own fingers gave me pleasure.

Watson put his hands on my hips, stroking them slowly while he waited for me to get ready. His breath broke and he tightened his grip on my hips tightly. At that precise moment, I opened my eyes, bright and full of desire. I positioned himself above him and took the erection in my hand. I placed it in contact with my opening, and then I closed my eyes and began to lower myself slowly. Centimetre after centimetre, I let him savouring every moment, every spark of pleasure and pain. My brain was bombarded in a kaleidoscope of disconcerting emotions.

Finally, I had him completely inside me.

I felt my body tremble uncontrollably and the sex throbbed painfully between my legs to the rhythm of my ass and that was damn nice. I looked at the man below me and gave him a sly smile, looking at him with veiled eyes.

"Do not look at me yet," I said hoarsely, trying to regulate my breath. "It would be all over too soon."

That said I lift myself up as soon as I saw that he needed me to move. New choked moans came out of our mouths. It was heaven and both were happy to be alive in order to enjoy it.

 

 

 

_One shot._

_Another._

_Get up._

_Lowered._

_Faster._

_Growls._

_Moans._

_Ache._

_Pleasure._

_Love._

 

 

We were almost there, so close to lose reason.

 

He took my sex in his hand and began to give me the satisfaction I was looking for. He, receiving a contraction of the ring of muscles around his member that makes him trembles uncontrolled.

"John ..." I said in a hoarse voice looking at him from above while the speed with which he moved had become frenetic, as if he were going about his life, propping himself with his hands to my chest and scratching the skin with his nails leaving read reddish trails in which small pearls of blood bloomed.

"... Sherlock" I answered in a whisper, while his free hand took me by the arm and drew me to him to kiss me passionately. The pinnacle of pleasure came quickly, leaving us both breathless and without strength but completely satisfied, with no remorse for what had just happened.

 

* * *

 

I, with his short breath, let myself fall to his chest without bothering to get dirty with my own seed. I closed his eyes and slid my arms around my lover's waist as the mattress allowed me and immediately felt him do the same. In my ear, I could feel the doctor's heart slowing down his frantic pace. I closed my eyes and let myself be lulled by that sound as his light fingers caressed my back.

 

Everything was perfect and even if the good doctor eventually would have to go back to his wife, I knew that now there was a free port where only they and their love existed.

 

 

 

_Take it easy._

 

_Sleep calm._

_Do not think._

_Hold it to you._

_Forget the pain_.

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Original Author Notes (= Kelian): This story was not born immediately as a Holmes-Watson but like words in freedom, realizing after a while 'that could be well adapted to this couple'. Holmes is back from the realm of the dead but in an empty and lonely house that causes him only psychological pain, thus deciding to seek physical pain. I wanted to leave aside the Moriarty case, his alleged demise and all the rest to tell a simple hypothetical moment in which their uncontrollable love could have come out without control. I hope you take it for what it is, a little story without too many claims and a moment of intimacy for these two characters that I really loved.
> 
> A/N (= mine): 'Dolore'/'Sehnsucht' is a follow-up of another OS by Kelian, 'Romani Holiday' (never ever was there a more misleading title; THIS fic is No Holiday. I read 'Romani Holiday' first, and oh, not sure what I expected from a summary saying that Watson come home drunk from a Rugby match... NOT THAT.) Anyway, it's terrific but also terrible. I thought that I will give you the nicer, kinder work, 'Dolore' first. If there's interest, I can translate 'Romani Holiday' too. 
> 
> However, even it's devastating, and I think even 'Dolore' is a tough read, for me, it's still a love story. I love stories that don't go down with a bang but with a whimper; and this one certainly leaves you raw and open. It's an ache; it's pain and pleasure; it's 'Sehn-sucht'. (='Sucht', German for 'addiction') which means, 'seeing you is like a drug/addiction to me'. Quite fitting, is it not?
> 
> Thank you for reading! Have a lovely start in the new week!


End file.
